I’ve decided to post it with commentary and rebukes as an educational tool. I want people to see this post, so they can see what demonic despair looks like. So they can see the kinds of doubts and blasphemies the demons lead us to believe. So they can see how the demons attack our Faith, our lifeline. If they can make us doubt our Faith, they can make us despair, which I did.
Hello Readers, hope all’s well. Today I present another End Times post, and it’s a special kind of post today.
Today I have a post unlike anything else I’ve ever posted before. What is it? Well, it needs a bit of explaining ….
In the previous post I wrote about my experience being brutally attacked in the Spirit by the Python spirit or something similar. The attack left me feeling hopeless and faithless. I wanted to give up on Christianity entirely! I was feeling crushing despair and depression. You can read about it in my previous post.
Well, during the attack I wrote a blog post like I always do. But since I was feeling such despair, I couldn’t keep that tone out of the post. I had to write about it … and that was exactly what the demons wanted. As I explained in the previous post, the demons wanted to pervert my message and my blog. They wanted me to spread hopelessness, because so far I’ve been working hard to write Biblically sound Christian posts. The demons wanted to ruin my work, stop me from writing about Christianity, and make me write unholy, demonically-inspired content instead.
When I realized this, I felt I couldn’t in good conscience publish this post. After thinking about it for some time, I’ve decided to post it with commentary and rebukes as an educational tool. I want people to see this post, so they can see what demonic despair looks like. So they can see the kinds of doubts and blasphemies the demons lead us to believe. So they can see how the demons attack our Faith, our lifeline. If they can make us doubt our Faith, they can make us despair, which I did.
This post represents a personal failure of mine. As I explained in the previous post, my Faith was tested here, and I failed. I fell into despair when I should have fallen back on my Faith for support. I’m not proud to publish this post now, but it could have some educational value for other believers. There’s value in knowing the tactics and strategies of the enemy, and how the demons attack our Faith. But go into this post knowing that the text in RED is demonic deception—in this case, demonically-inspired despair and hopelessness.
The text from the original post written that day will be RED, because it was demonically inspired.
My follow-up commentary and rebuke of the original post will be in CYAN, which I like. It will also be in italics.
Alright, let’s get started then.
The intro to the post was straightforward enough, and unobjectionable.
Hello Readers, hope all’s well. I hope things are better with you than they are with me right now, as I’m at a very low point in my life.
Although I usually try not to make this blog about me, there’s no avoiding it today. Because what’s bothering me is all I can think about. I can’t turn my mind to any other topic. It’s just one of those days, I’m afraid.
And some of you Readers won’t like what you see today. You won’t agree with it. But, I have to be honest and keep it real. I have to say what’s really on my mind and what I’m going through—have to say how I really feel.
As for what’s going on, well, it’s kind of ironic. After writing a series of recent posts on the Book of Job and the lessons on suffering it teaches, I’m having a “Job moment” of my own now. My Faith is at a very low point, and I’m feeling despair creeping in. Since that’s all I can think about, that’s all I can write about today.
Defeated by Sin, My Faith Is Beaten down
I started out explaining how I was only feeling down when it came to my Faith. I mentioned my blessings, proof that God is good to me.
The funny thing is, this is only a “Job moment” when it comes to Faith. Other than Faith, everything is going good in my life.
I have food in my stomach and a roof over my head, every day. I have clothes on my body and shoes on my feet. I have a car. And my situation is secure; I have no anxieties. God has prospered me, and I know that. But my Faith is faltering anyway, and I’m unable to stop it.
Next is the first time I describe feeling abandoned by God. The idea of being abandoned by God is a demonic lie, one the demons love to tell us when they attack because it shakes our Faith if we believe it. If they can shake our Faith, they can attack us harder and lead us into all sorts of sins and blasphemies. God does not abandon us!! The idea that He does is a demonic lie!!
My Faith is at a low point right now, certainly the lowest it’s been since being born again. And I feel abandoned by God, enjoying none of His Grace. Even though on an intellectual level I know I’m loved by God, because of all the blessings I enjoy, I don’t feel loved by God. I feel like He’s left me. And that makes all the horrible difference.
Moving on, now begins a repeated complaint that was also inspired by demons. I felt that, since I had failed in a good resolution and fallen to a recurring sin I battle with, God was not helping me to defeat my sins. That He was not empowering me. I felt like He had shown me the narrow path, this Christian Spiritual walk, but that He then chose not to give me the help I needed to follow it.
OF COURSE, THIS WAS ALSO A DEMONIC LIE!!! God was with me the whole time, and He rescued me from this demonic attack on my Faith, as I described in the previous post. He does help us on our Christian walk, because He knows we can’t do it without Him. But sadly, the demons did succeed in getting me to believe the lie. And that led to more despair and a crisis of Faith. Which you can see in the following sections.
Why would I feel that way when I’ve got food, clothing, shelter, and more? It’s because I feel like God has abandoned me to my sin, and left me to be preyed on by demons. I feel like He won’t help me. And if He won’t help me, I can’t defeat my sins. I’m hopeless to defeat my sins on my own, but I’m on my own. Or at least that’s how it seems.
I know God is with me, like He was also with Job during Job’s suffering. But I don’t feel Him with me, because I don’t feel His help. And this is giving me a horrible crisis of Faith.
The sin I’m fighting is sexual sin. Sexual immorality and fornication. As a single man, I have no way to sate my sexual urges and desires that isn’t sin. I’m not married, so having sex with women is fornication, which is against God’s design for sex. The other outlet for my sexual energy that’s available to me—masturbation—is also a sin. Meanwhile, any sexual act outside of marriage, even if it’s not sexual intercourse itself, is still sexual immorality, a sin.
And sexual sin is destroying me and my Faith. My unfulfilled sexual desires become too much to bear, and I run to the sinful options just for relief from the torment. Sinning is the only way to get relief from the torment of constant lust. Without sinning, there’s no respite.
The paragraphs above show a lack of understanding my identity as someone born-again in Christ. When we’re born again we no longer have to be slaves to any sin. And we most certainly don’t need to sin to get respite from sin … that idea is completely ridiculous. We can’t fight sin with sin, and sinning offers no respite. That idea is also a demonic lie.
Moving on, the next few paragraphs show more of the feeling of hopelessness and the demonic lie that God abandoned me. They also show how I wasn’t waging Spiritual warfare correctly. I failed to fight these demons with worship and praise, and so I received no deliverance, no respite.
I know that lust is inspired by demon spirits in the Spiritual atmosphere around me. So I’ve called on God for help. I’ve asked Him for help over, and over, and over, and over again. I’ve prayed, I’ve fasted. I’ve asked for angelic help. But the LORD does not help me. I know He can help me, because anything is possible for Him. But He doesn’t help me. So I feel hopeless, because without His help … how am I supposed to defeat these demons? They never stop tormenting me. All day, every day, they’re assaulting me with lust temptations.
I can reject the lustful imaginations when they arise, but I can’t do it over and over and over, for a whole day, for a whole week. They never stop, they never give me any respite.
I’ve tried all kinds of strategies to get my mind off lust. Trying to redirect my brain and so on. I’ve tried secular strategies and wisdom. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed to Jesus for help. But when Heaven doesn’t give me the help I need, there’s no hope for me. I fail, again and again and again.
After believing the demonic lie that God had abandoned me, now I make my first mention of giving up on Christianity. Imagine, after coming so far to find Christ and follow Him … to give up now, because of believing a demonic lie. It’s not a good thought. But it shows what the demon’s goal was the whole time: The demons wanted to turn me away from Christ. That was their main intention.
I make no progress against my sins, and all I want to do now is give up. To be promiscuous like any other person of the world. To stop walking this narrow Spiritual path, because I don’t feel like God gives us the help we need to walk it. I know many will not like reading that. But I have to be honest—this is how I truly feel today.
How Can I Do it if He Won’t Help Me??
When we become born again, we’re supposed to be new creations reborn in Christ. We’re supposed to be empowered to be better than we were before, to conquer the old sins that used to plague us. But that power comes from God. If He chooses not to empower us to defeat our sins, then we’re helpless against our sins, as I am right now.
The paragraph above is completely incorrect, Biblically, and drips with demonic deception. We have a vital role to play in defeating our sins. And as born again Christians, we are NEVER helpless against any sin, like I said. That is absolutely a demonic deception. I regret ever writing the above paragraph. But I was under demonic attack at the time.
The next few paragraphs just reek of demonically-inspired hopelessness. They contain my reasons for abandoning the Christian path. And all the reasons come down to giving up, quitting. I thank the LORD for saving me from making the horrible mistakes I could have made during this demonic attack.
I don’t even see any point in trying to fight the mental battle against my lust if God won’t help me do it, because I know I’m going to fail. If God won’t step in to stop me from failing, then what’s the point?? Why try??
Sometimes I feel like God asks us to do the impossible. He asks us to do the impossible by denying ourselves to follow this Spiritual path, but then He doesn’t give us the help we need to do that. Because can any of us ever completely deny ourselves??
So without His help, and with all my failures, I feel like I’m not cut out for walking this Spiritual path. I don’t have what it takes to be Christian. I wish I could do it. But I’m not strong enough, I don’t have enough Self-Control. I thought this life was for me. But I guess it isn’t, because I can’t handle it.
I thought our God gave us a spirit of Self-Control (2 Timothy 1:7)?? I guess I wasn’t there that day when He handed them out, because I didn’t get mine. Despite walking this Spiritual path for over a year, it seems like I haven’t made any progress at all. Was it all a waste of time??
Unless Jesus strengthens and empowers me, I’m unable to overcome my sins and follow Him. I tried and tried and tried, and I failed and failed and failed.
Then I should have just tried again!! Which I am doing now, after the LORD rescued me from this demonic assault, like I described in the previous post. But when I was writing this post you’re reading now, I felt like I hadn’t made the cut. Like I wasn’t good enough for Christianity, I didn’t have what it takes. So I saw myself as one of the bad seeds mentioned in Matthew 13, which I explain below.
I thought for sure that this time, being born again for the first time, my Faith was for real. I thought I was one of the good seeds the LORD scattered. I never imagined I was actually the seed with no roots, whose Faith only lasts a little while. This is who He was referring to in Matthew 13:5-6.
(3) He said many things to them in parables: “A farmer went out to scatter seed. (4) As he was scattering seed, some fell on the path, and birds came and ate it. (5) Other seed fell on rocky ground where the soil was shallow. They sprouted immediately because the soil wasn’t deep. (6) But when the sun came up, it scorched the plants, and they dried up because they had no roots. (7) Other seed fell among thorny plants. The thorny plants grew and choked them. (8) Other seed fell on good soil and bore fruit, in one case a yield of one hundred to one, in another case a yield of sixty to one, and in another case a yield of thirty to one. (9) Everyone who has ears should pay attention.”
Matthew 13:3-9 (CEB)
Jesus explains the meaning of this parable further along in Matthew 13.
(18) “Consider then the parable of the farmer. (19) Whenever people hear the word about the kingdom and don’t understand it, the evil one comes and carries off what was planted in their hearts. This is the seed that was sown on the path. (20) As for the seed that was spread on rocky ground, this refers to people who hear the word and immediately receive it joyfully. (21) Because they have no roots, they last for only a little while. When they experience distress or abuse because of the word, they immediately fall away. (22) As for the seed that was spread among thorny plants, this refers to those who hear the word, but the worries of this life and the false appeal of wealth choke the word, and it bears no fruit. (23) As for what was planted on good soil, this refers to those who hear and understand, and bear fruit and produce—in one case a yield of one hundred to one, in another case a yield of sixty to one, and in another case a yield of thirty to one.”
Matthew 13:18-23 (CEB)
Next I repeat more of the same demonically-inspired lies of hopelessness. These demonic lies are probably starting to get old to you, by now. But try to imagine my state of mind when I was writing this. Despair was my whole world when I wrote this. It was all I saw, all I could think about. That’s what happens during a demonic attack. It’s truly extraordinary, and the despair they hit us with is no regular, worldly despair. The only defense is to stand firm in the Truth of the Gospels and rebuke their demonic lies in the name of Jesus, ASAP!!
I never thought my Faith was like that of the people Jesus talks about in verses 20-21. And yet, what can I do?? I’ve tried to follow Jesus, and defeat my sins, but I can’t do it. I’ve been defeated by them. The demons of lust torment me all day, with no respite. And no matter how hard I pray to Heaven for relief, no relief comes. I’m left alone, abandoned, at the mercy of these demons. Like I feel we all are, here on this hell planet earth.
Next, I start questioning God Himself. Why does He do what He does? Why does He allow this or that to happen? Why does He not act to save us from demons, or stop us from falling away? Well, the short answer is that He wants us to grow stronger in our Faith by shaking off these demonic attacks. And the even-shorter-than-the-short-answer answer is Isaiah 55:8-9. God’s Ways are higher than our ways—we will never understand everything He does, in this life. We may question God, like Habakkuk did, as it’s only natural we don’t understand everything He does. But when we question Him, we must be respectful and Pious, which I was not being here in this post.
Why doesn’t God strengthen us to not be the bad seeds mentioned in verses 19-22? Why does God allow some seed to fall on the path (verse 19)? Why does God not strengthen those who are like me, who need help with our roots (verses 20-21)?? Why doesn’t He help us to stop falling away, when He can help us?? Why does God allow seed to fall among the plants (verse 22)?? Why does He not ease people’s life anxieties and provide what they need, to stop them from being one of those seeds from verse 22??
Why does God not act when He can, if He wanted to?? Why does He allow people to fall away??
I don’t know if I did something wrong in asking God for rescue from lust. Or maybe I made a mistake in how I asked Him. Either way, He didn’t help me. And so I’ve been left on my own in this bitter struggle, knowing I don’t have what it takes (since I’m only human) to not sin. And that has led me to feel the way I am right now.
What I Know and what I Feel
In the conclusion we can see the only good part of this whole post. Even with all the demonic lies assaulting me, I was still struggling to hold onto my Faith and the Truth of what I knew. I was still trying to hold onto God, reasoning about what I knew versus what I was feeling. Because our emotions are temporary, you see. They may be intense, but they come and go.
I also thought back to the lessons from the series of posts I wrote on Job. I just finished writing that series of posts before writing this one. God never abandoned Job, sitting in despair on his pile of ashes. And God doesn’t abandon us either. Any idea to the contrary is a demonic lie. But I was thinking about what I wrote on Job, and how I needed to practice what I was preaching. So I began reminding myself of the lessons I’d already learned, things I already knew about God and my relationship with Him.
None of us can deny our emotions or the way we feel—it’s futile to try. The way we feel is just the way we feel; it is what it is. Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. And so I feel abandoned by God, which makes me feel unloved by God; that’s me being honest.
We’ve got to be honest of course. With ourselves and with God. I could never hide the way I feel right now from God, so I won’t even bother to try. I feel abandoned by God and left alone on this demon planet, at the mercy of the evil spirits that are always around us. I feel like God took me, showed me this Spiritual path, then chose not to give me the help I needed to walk it.
But there’s a difference between what I feel and what I know.
I know God loves me, because of all the blessings I enjoy. Because He rescued me from rock bottom before. Because He brought my beloved dogs to me. But I don’t feel loved right now, because I feel abandoned. And I know that God doesn’t abandon us, like He didn’t abandon Job sitting on the pile of ashes. I know that, but I don’t feel it. Not today.
But, speaking of Job, I can think back to the series of posts that I just finished about Job. I said over and over and over again that our suffering doesn’t last. That nothing lasts forever, good or bad. And so this feeling of hopelessness and faithlessness won’t last forever either.
In other words, this is a moment where I need to practice what I preach. I need to remember that God does not abandon us, even when I don’t honestly feel that way in my life. And I need to remember that this too must pass, even if my Faith situation seems hopeless, and I keep failing on this Spiritual walk.
I need to remember that God is with me, and that nothing lasts forever. This emotional torment of hopelessness and faithlessness won’t last forever either. I need to remember that.
I ended with acceptance of my situation and a weak, half-hearted resolution to keep on going. This weak resolution didn’t last me, but that’s when the LORD stepped in and rescued me from the demonic attack by placing Wisdom in my path, as I described in the previous post. Finally, I wrote the smartest words in this whole post: A prayer request. In fact, that prayer request was probably the only part of this whole post that would have been helpful. My crisis is over now, of course. But I’ll still happily accept prayers from Christians at all times.
If this is a test from God, I don’t like being tested. But if it’s from God, what can I even say about it? What good will it do me to complain about it? Who can I even complain to? And what would it change? All I can do is keep going, and try my hardest not to give up on life or Christianity. I pray I will be able to make it to the end of this Spiritual crisis.
So that’s what’s going on with me right now. I’m having a “Job moment” of my own, and it’s all I can think about. I will keep Hoping in God and try to keep going each day. Writing about what I’m going through in this post has been helpful for some reason. Guess I needed to get these thoughts out there.
If you enjoy my Christian blog, I would ask you for a few prayers on my behalf. Please pray that God will come close to me again, ease my pain and loneliness, strengthen me in my battle against sin, and restore my Faith to a strong level. Thank you.
Well, that’s it. That was where this demonically-inspired rant of hopelessness and faithlessness ended. The whole thing was based on demonic lies and my despair was demonically-inspired. But in the pain of this Spiritual attack, I lost sight of all that. I wrote this demonically-inspired post filled with Satan’s lies because I was overwhelmed and not relying on God’s power for aid as I should have.
The demons succeeded in shaking my Faith, temporarily. But they also got me to write this original post. If I had published it as planned, the demons would have succeeded in perverting my blog. Instead of making Christian posts, I would have made a despair-filled demonic post. They got close to succeeding on that, but they failed because the LORD stepped in on my behalf. I hope they’re mad about it!!
I know the format of today’s post is a little confusing. It’s hard to look at and keep track of, even with the color-scheme. But I hope it will be educational and insightful to anyone who’s suffered a similar demonic attack. Or even someone who’s going through that experience right now. These are the lies the demons get us to believe (and succeeded in making me believe). These are the ways they work. They can be subtle, but we need to be on the alert for these attacks. But to be on the alert for these attacks, we need to know what they are and how they work. God’s people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6).
And … we need to stand strong in the Truth of our Faith. That’s the other thing. And that was always in my power, the whole time, but on this occasion I failed. The demons attack our Faith because it’s our lifeline!! If we let them shake our Faith, we become helpless prey for them. Then we really are in trouble.
Never forget that God never abandons us, like He never abandoned Job, sitting on that pile of ashes. All lies of that sort must be rejected and rebuked, immediately. That’s something I didn’t do, and I paid the price for it. The devil is a liar, and everything he and his minions say is a lie. Stand firm in the Truth of our Faith, and turn to God when these attacks come. God may allow us to feel some pain, to suffer. But we always know He will see us through and deliver us at the end.
That’s His Promise—Believe it … or get beaten down by demons in the Spirit like I did.
Well that’s all for today. If you enjoyed today’s post, be sure to Subscribe using the link below. And please consider Supporting My Blog using the Tip Jar. Any amount is much appreciated!
Until next time, be strong and do good!
Your new best friend in Christ,
99:9
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2 comments on “Do Not Fear the End Times Part 88: My Own “Job Moment””